Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
