I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
