she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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