you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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