So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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