as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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