then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
