May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
