what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do vagina's smell?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
