hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
