I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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