You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
