As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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