Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
