Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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