there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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