Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
