The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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