I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
