I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
