I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
