that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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