Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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