I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
