The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
40s are totally the cure
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
