We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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