I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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