I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
