I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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