Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
