Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
