All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't make out with my wife yet
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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