apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
