I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
