Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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