Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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