The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
