Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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