I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
