living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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