there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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