If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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