i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
