the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
