my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
