What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
