My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
