i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
