I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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