We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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