The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize