I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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