Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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