genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im holly from the hills drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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