i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
