I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
