My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
