I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
