so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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